My kids don't do what I say — they do what I do, and I don't like what they're seeing.

Krishna is explaining to Arjuna why he must act, and he has just added a reason that goes beyond Arjuna's own good: the world around him. He names King Janaka, who ran a kingdom and still reached the highest goal through action (3.20). Then comes this verse.

Be fair to the text. Śreṣṭha (श्रेष्ठ) means the best, the eminent — the verse has kings and sages in view, not a tired parent at bath time. But nobody chooses whom to look up to on merit. To a five-year-old, you are the śreṣṭha. To a new hire, it is whoever runs the Monday meeting.

The verse has two halves. First: whatever that person does — ācarati (आचरति), how he actually conducts himself — others do the same. Second: whatever he sets up as the standard, the pramāṇa (प्रमाण), the world follows.

The tradition's commentary does something charming here. It counts the words. For the conduct, the verse spends five: yat, yat, tat, tat — whatever, whatever, that, that — and eva, 'exactly'. For the stated standard it spends two. Its conclusion is plain arithmetic: what such a person does has five times the effect, and what he declares has twice.

You do not have to accept the sum to recognise the ratio. Every parent already has the data.

In the next verse Krishna turns the rule on himself. There is nothing in the three worlds that he needs to do, he says, and nothing left for him to gain — and still he keeps acting (3.22). Why? Because if he ever stopped, people would follow his path in every way (3.23).

Notice what that means. The not-doing gets copied as faithfully as the doing. The parent who never reads, never rests and never says sorry is teaching those too. There is no neutral setting. You are always the example. The only open question is: of what?

This is hard news, and the Gita does not soften it. The lecture was never the lever. The easy part of raising anyone — the saying — is the part that counts least.

But read it again, because it is kinder than it sounds. It does not say they need you flawless. It says they follow what you do. That includes the patience you thought nobody noticed, the way you speak to the waiter, the thank-you to the bus driver. Those are being copied with the same accuracy.

First, pick the instruction you repeat most. Stop saying it for seven days. Do it instead, where they can see. If it is the phone, yours goes in the drawer first, and nobody announces it.

Second, let yourself be caught. Read where they can watch you read. Thank your partner within earshot. A few verses on (3.26), the wise are told to draw others into action by acting well themselves.

Third, when you slip — and you will, probably by Wednesday — say so out loud. 'I said I would put it down, and I didn't. I'm sorry.' Owning a lapse is conduct too. It may be the most useful thing they ever copy.

Fourth, keep one small promise exactly. The swim, on Saturday, at the time you said. A kept promise is a standard a child can read.